One Year Later

It was one year ago today that we went to the doctor for a 2nd ultrasound (after I had been having some severe cramping the week before) & learned that our first baby was gone. We later learned that it had actually stopped growing around the time it had implanted but my body didn't recognize it since the hormones were still being secreted.

The medical term for this is a blighted ovum. But we knew it as our baby. Even though I didn't actually miscarry naturally I still feel that it was on May 2, 2007 that we lost our baby.

On that day I never thought I could cry so much & hurt so much. One year later I've learned that I could.

That day now seems so far away, like a distant memory. That may be because our most recent loss is so fresh in our minds. But I'll still never forget the 2 weeks I had with that baby when I had no fears of losing it.

The loss of our first baby also came one day before my birthday. Needless to say, it was not a happy birthday for me. It did help me last year though when some friends from church came over to talk with us & then went out to dinner with us. It gave me a small sense of normacy.

So now with this anniversary & my birthday tomorrow I've had an emotional week. Jeremy has wanted to be sure that I still have a good birthday & keep me from feeling down. We'll have lunch at Zaxby's (for the 3rd weekend in a row!) with some friends & just hang out. I don't need much. I just need to be surrounded with those I love.