Still waiting . . .

No word yet on all that bloodwork. It's been 2 weeks & 2 days since it was done. I'm giving my doctor's office until Monday & then I will call. I understand they may be backed up after the holiday weekend & he has to sit down & review the results. But I'm anxious to know what we need to do next.

At this point I feel like I just need an official confirmation that I have a positive ANA & that's the cause of the miscarriages. From the research I've done & knowing my medical history it all makes sense.

With the likelihood of these results it has so many thoughts & emotions running through my head.

Even though I may not have lupus or arthiritis right now, with a positive ANA there is a high chance of it developing later in life. I've always been so healthy & rarely go to the doctor. I know these are treatable diseases that people go on to live full lives. But I never thought I'd have to live with a disease.

Now I'm trying to pay attention to any possible joint pains as to give a sign of lupus. So far, all I notice is pain in my hands & wrists but I've also held a job for nearly 5 years that involves almost constant typing.

I'm also very scared about getting pregnant again. Even if I'm put on medication that will control my ANA count, I will still fear another loss. I always will. Here on out all pregnancies will probably be considered high risk due to my history. So I'm thinking I won't get to do anything. Would bedrest be a possibility?

And I worry that all the high risk will keep us from having the large family that we want, like it'll just be too much work & stress to have more & more babies. But then again, I know that in the end it will all be worth it.

I feel like I'll feel better once I get those results, but what if they find nothing? Could my ANA actually go back to normal? Is that possible? Or what if it all comes back & there are multiple things wrong with me?

So do I sound crazy yet?

Or is it obvious that patience is a virtue that I have yet to have attained?