Like I’ve said time & time again, I’m kind of an open book when it comes to my fertility. I don’t want it to seem embarrassing. If someone can talk about a health issue they’re facing, why can’t infertility be treated the same? It’s also a health issue.
So if you don’t like this topic, you can stop reading. But speaking openly about this is like a form of therapy for me. Not only that, but I constantly ask that God use my struggles to be a blessing to others.
First of all, I really don’t like being thrown into the category of “infertile”. Quite frankly, that’s kind of the opposite of what I am. In a period of 18 months we managed to get pregnant 4 times. So I’d say I’m pretty fertile!
Secondly, there seems to come a point in every young marriage where you go through a certain series of questions.
“How long have you been married?”
“Do you have any kids?”
And when you reach a certain length of marriage people become extra concerned about why you don’t have kids. Apparently whatever this anniversary date is you should have at least one on the way. I didn’t know there were such guidelines out there!
Anyway, when we answer question #1 with “5 years” & answer question #2 with “not yet”, it’s assumed that we don’t have kids because we’re waiting. Or they may sense there being some kind of fertility problem & they try to give “advice”.
Probably the most common piece of advice is to “just relax”. They'll say, “If you just relax, it’ll happen”, or “I knew someone who tried & tried & finally took a vacation & ended up having a vacation baby.”
Do they realize that if it were that simple that our doctors would have prescribed a vacation for us? Maybe he’d write a doctor’s note to our bosses saying we need time off of work as a means of fertility treatment?
I won't deny that a little getaway weekend really helps alleviates stress. But we can't take mini-vacation every month!
Well, if someone isn’t pregnant because they have a blocked fallopian tube, all the relaxing in the world won’t unclog it. Not stressing won’t stop ovarian cysts from forming. And, in my case, no vacation is going to thin out my blood so I can hold a pregnancy.
So what do I do when I receive advice like this? I tell them what’s really going on. There’s no reason why I should hide it. I’m as gracious as I can be but I’ll just tell them, “Actually we’ve suffered a few miscarriages & after some testing learned I have a blood clotting disorder. So when I get pregnant again I’ll be high risk & be on blood thinners throughout the pregnancy.”
That pretty much stops any of the other “advice” they try to give. I mean, what else could they say? Now they know the problem.
I really don’t get too upset about most of those comments. It just comes with the territory. But if someone is going to make me feel uncomfortable (whether they intend it or not), I’m going to come right back & do the same by just telling them how it is.
Well, I know that’s really only 2 thoughts but that’s just what’s been on my mind lately & just needed to get it out there. I’m sure there will be more to come.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I get those 2 questions a lot as well, mainly from my husband's family.
Every time we talk with them they always, always, always got to chime in 'when are you going to have a baby'. Always...it never fails! Ugh!
It's just not that easy for some of us to concieve but they don't seem to get that it seems.
I was just thinking yesterday, we should have had at least 3 blessings by now, maybe 4 as we have been married 7 years already, but alas, that's not the case. :-(
I just continue to trust in Him and hold on to His promises. :-)
Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking when I tell them we are Quiverfull minded or we want at least 12 children. They may think we are preventing it with BC or ar waiting I guess.
...Those who wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength....
Have a safe and blessed weekend!
~ Dawn
Post a Comment