The #1 Phrase to NEVER Say To an Adopting Couple

I had been mulling over doing another "what to say & what not to say" post but adoption edition. I've done it before regarding miscarriages & infertility. But most ideas just weren't that big a deal to me & might vary with each couple. But there is one thing that I just couldn't ignore.

Never, ever say to a couple who's decided to adopt a child, "Well, if you do, you'll get pregnant."

Ugh! It just makes me cringe.

I've already gotten that comment a time or two & I very graciously set them straight. I'm not rude but I do want people to understand that that is a complete myth. There are other reasons why I don't like it.

#1: Adoption is not the magical cure for infertility. Yes, I've heard those stories before where a couple tried for years to get pregnant to no avail. They decided to adopt & sometime later they have a biological baby. But who's to say that adoption is the real reason why they couple got pregnant?

#2: Getting pregnant isn't my problem; it's staying pregnant. Ok, that one has to do particularly to me & anyone else with unexplained recurrent losses but it's still worth pointing out. Finding out that I'm pregnant isn't an immediate celebration like it is for most couples. It's a scary & stressful time & we fear losing it soon. Sustaining a pregnancy will be something to celebrate.

#3: When you say this it's as if you're saying that the bioligical child will be more special. That's where this phrase really bothers me. The last thing we'd ever want is for our adopted children to be treated differently simply because they didn't come from me. If God blesses us with both adopted & biological children, it won't matter to us where they come from. They are all our children.

When you hear of a couple wanting to adopt, be excited for them. Support them. Pray for them. This wasn't an easy decision for them to make. There's also the huge financial burden they'll be facing. So the last thing they need is for people to be making careless statements.