"Is this your first?"

I've been asked this question here & there. It really comes from anyone that doesn't know us or isn't a nurse at my doctor's office. At work I've finally had people that aren't scared anymore to ask if I'm expecting. Usually people are too scared they'll be wrong & feel really embarrassed. Most of them I just say "yes". I don't care to dish out my private life to customers.

On Friday I called our hospital to sign up for the birthing class & hospital tour. The girl on the other line needed to take down some extra info for the instructor, such as who my "partner" would be (Jeremy, of course!). She then asked if this was my first pregnancy. I decided to be honest. I said, "Well, it's actually our 7th pregnancy but 1st to be doing so well."

I tell you what! It was so hard to get that out. I almost started crying on the phone when that reality hit me. Seven. Seven pregnancies.

She was of course very happy for me & our little miracle. And then I was fine. But then that same night that question came across again while meeting new people at a wedding rehearsal. This time I decided to just say "yes". But when I did it felt so wrong.

I don't want to forget where we came from. Shaylin is very special to us & we are so thankful for this little gift God is giving us & can't wait to meet her. But we can't forget that there were 6 others tiny lives we did not get to meet.

With God's help, I'd like to have to courage to start answering this question honestly. I'm not ashamed of our losses. I would hope that by telling people the truth we can bring it back to glorifying God. He did something my doctors could not do & had no answer for.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully & wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul know it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." ~Psalm 139:13-16